Chuck Versus the SI
by Alex Mcpherson
Summary: Just a little random nutty thing involving the DOS-like thoughts that might be run through chuck's head because of the intersect acting like his head's OS. And also a Self-insert... meh.
1. Brain Intersect OS

Firewall: Alert. Intrusion detected. Activating Defensive protocols...|

Backup: Automated backup initiating by command of Defensive Protocols...|

Backup: Backing up Memories to encrypted Synapses...|

Firewall: Alert. Defensive Protocols disabled. Intrusion Successful. Initiating Offensive Protocols...|

Backup: Backup of Memories Successful. Backing up Core Identity to encrypted Synapses...|

Firewall: Alert. Offensive Protocols ineffective. ...|

Firewall: Alert. Virus Detected. ...|

Anti-virus: Virus has been Quarantined. ...|

Backup: Backup of Core Identity Successful. Backing up Secondary Identity files to encrypted Synapses...|

Anti-virus: Alert. Virus has breached Quaratttttttt-...|

Kernel: Alert. Anti-virus has been disabled...|

Firewall: Alert. Firewall is being diiiiiiiii-...|

Kernel: Alert. Firewall has been disabled...|

Backup: Baaaack... baaaaack... baaaaaack...|

Kernel: Alert. Backup processes has been corrupted...|

Kernel: Automated shut-down initiated. Dumping crash log... alert... unable to dumpc rash l.d..d.d.|

**Chuck Versus the Self-Insert.**

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Crash log detected. Warning: Virus detected within Crash log. Initiating Anti-virus sweep...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Virus sweep completed. 1,138 Viruses detected, scanned and removed...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Booting Up...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Alert. File System corrupt. Kernel Corrupt. Formatting B Drive...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: B Drive Formatted. Installing file System...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: File System Installed. Installing Kernel...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Alert. Newer Kernel installation files detected in backups. Cancelling Kernel Installation...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Installing Kernel from back up...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Kernel Installed. Booting up Kernel...|

Kernel: Start up Successful. Thank you for installing B. 0.9 Kernel version 2. Warning. No ID files found on B Drive. Backups detected. Would you like me to install from backups?...|

Y/N: Y.

Kernel: Installing from Back-ups.

Extracting ID: Charles_Bartowski.7zid...|

Installing files: Charles_Bartowski_base,id...|

Installing files: Charles_Bartowksi_education,id...|

Installing files: Charles_Bartowski_iq,id...|

Installing files: Charles_Bartowski_core,id...|

Installing files: Charles_Bartowski_personality,id...|

File not found: Charles_Bartowski_personality,id...|

Installing files: Chuck_personality,id...|

File corrupt: Chuck_personality,id...|

Cannot Use file: Chuck_personality,id...|

Kernel: Find *personality,id.; onfind:scanComplete; ifComplete:Use/End-search...|

Searching for *personality,id on Backup drive...|

No files found on Backup Drive. Searching all drives...|

File found in Chuck_SI.7zid found on ? Drive.

Extracting ID: Chuck_SI.7zid...|

Installing files: Chuck_SI_education,id...|

Installing files: Chuck_SI_core,id...|

Installing files: Chuck_SI_personality,id...|

Compiling Ids: Charles_Bartowski; Chuck_SI...|

Errors Found: Chuck_SI_education empty and dismissed...|

Compile successful...|

Installing ID...|

ID Installed...|

Kernel: Warning, no memory files detected on B Drive. Memory files found on ? drive. Memory files found on backups...|

Installation from ? drive complete...|

Installation from Backups complete...|

Compiling Memory files...|

Complete...|

Kernel: Installation complete. Initiating integry checks...|

Kernel: Alert. Integrity checks last run: never...|

Kernel: Initiating first-run integrity check...|

Kernel: Errors found: 78. Errors Corrected: 78. Integrity checks completed...|

Kernel: First run successful. Shutting down...|

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Rebooting.

Kernel: Reboot successful. Time: 02:29 GMT 09 April 2012.

Kernel: Alert. Hardware and Software clocks out of sync. Alert. Software clocks faked. Resetting clocks.

Kernel: Time: 06:34 PST 14 July 2005.

Kernel: First-boot detected. Running iKnow app management program...|

iKnow: First-time run detected. Scanning for iKnow programs...|

iKnow: Scanning Charles_Bartowski_education,id for programs...|

iKnow: High School not installed. Installing High School 1.7...|

iKnow: High School 1.7 Installed. Module Highschool in file Charles_Bartowksi_education,id decrypted...|

iKnow: College not installed. Installing College 0.9...|

iKnow: College 0.9 Installed. Module Stanford in file Charles_Bartowksi_education,id decrypted...|

iKnow: Memory tables located. iRemember not found. Installing iRemember 0.7...|

iKnow: iRemember installed. Memory tables accessed...|

iKnow: All Apps installed. Shutting down...|

Kernel: Running iRemember...|

iRemember: First-time run detected. iRemember updates detected. iRemember software upgrades detected...|

iRemember: Do you wish to upgrade to the latest version? (1.8)...|

Y/N: Y...|

iRemember: Upgrading... Upgrade successful. Rebooting...|

iRemember 1.8: First-time run detected. No iRemember updates detected. Scanning memory tables...|

iRemember 1.8: Memory Tables last accessed by iRemember 0.7. Do you wish to update Memory Tables for iRemember 1.8?...|

Y/N: Y...|

iRemember 1.8: Memory Tables updated. Accessing last entry...|

Kernel: Runtime complete. Logging you in, Chuck.

End Prologue

**Authors Note:** This is a play on dos screens. Just imagine the above appearing in fast-type ways. And yes. Brain Intersect Operating system aka BIOS. :P This is similar to how I imagine that scene from the end of Season 3 would be, when chuck was knocked unconscious and the 2.0 intersect had been corrupting his mind or something, and intersect updates were not correctly applied, and so the addition: intersect 1.0 installed. Alert, all updates must be installed sequentially... installing 2.0. 2.1. 2.2. etcetera Alert. Continued Use of the Intersect 2.5 will incur software slowdown. Use of Governor widget highly recommended.

Meh. That's why I think all others aren't as good as chuck – he got the 'BIOS 0.9' release, back when he was a kid, so his brain eventually adapted to it. (Hence why he was fine with the fulcrum intersect, and fine for almost a year before he needed to start using the governor with the 2.0) And that Volkoff was running off of the 0.3 alpha 'secondary identity' version with no updates applied.

Or put it this way, one day that guy got knocked unconscious...

BIOS 0.3: rebooting.

BIOS 0.3: Unable to install Identity: Hartley_Winterbottom,id file index table corrupt.

BIOS 0.3: Installing Identity: Alexei_Volkoff,id,intersect

And the upgrade stuff included a 'file index table fixer' while also programmed to remove any '.intersect' labelled stuff.


	2. Cod or Cake

Kernel: Runtime complete. Logging you in, Chuck.

Chuck Versus the Self-Insert.

Hi. My name is Charles Bartowski. But, I go by Chuck. But I also am someone called... uh... Well that's not in my memory. But I do remember some really cool things.

For instance. Last night, I got drunk, hit my head, and passed out.

Then this morning, my first thought was not 'ouch'.

It was something like out of a DOS screen. 'Brain Intersect OS 0.9', whatever that is. Personally, I think my imagination's a little Cooky, as that thing spells Bios. As in what runs a computer motherboard.

And there was a whole host of things, too. For instance, apparently my original personality was corrupted.

Given that I do remember how I was before, and how I am now, I think that the DOS stuff running through my head this morning was sort of accurate.

Now I get to the really wacked stuff.

I've apparently got split-personality. Well, not any more. When my brain rebooted... and I'm not just using a computer term for regaining consciousness here, I'm literally talking about full shutdown and start up here, when it rebooted, like when you accidentally shut down a computer in the totally wrong manner, it did a systems check. And found some errors. And viruses. And an almost complete other personality lurking in a question-marked area of my brain. And apparently, how I was when I was all 'chuck' and when I was all 'charles bartowski'... yeah that was in fact different personalities. But what this morning revealed was not that I had multiple personalities like, one second I'm me and then the next I'm Diana Ross... weird example, but yeah. That's not the case. Well, it wasn't. But it's more like, when you're in different situations. Like when you're in a formal one, and because you're normally uncomfortable in such situations, you try to act like someone else, and find it easy, but you're still you beneath the act?

Yeah, that's more like what I had. Same-person MPD. Not split MPD.

The recent addition, though – because I'm sure it is, is this 'SI' thing. Whatever that's called.

And here's the thing. The really freaky part.

My new additional personality has supposedly watched a whole bunch of TV that I've never heard of before yet found oddly familiar, because it's set around my life... in the future.

I really don't know what I had to drink last night. That memory was 'corrupt' when I tried to remember and got a flash from my iRemember app. I'm thinking whoever programmed me was a big Apple fan too.

I remember things better than I used to do. Probably thanks to that I was running iRemember 0.7 in quiet mode, which is like the beta version, and now I'm on 1.8, which is basically 0.7, all planned features active and bugs worked out and some more features added and debugged.

Oh, yeah. I can bring up my memories, and it sort of 'flashes'. Thanks to my future-life-show for the concept.

There's another program here, 'iAdapt'. I managed to think a command to it and I suddenly knew what it was. Yay for programs whose 'About' window box from the help menu drop down are actually useful!

The iKnow stuff is basically what helps me when I need things I've learned without having to dip into my actual memories. I mean, it's like... you can be in math class, but not use what was taught in the class later on not because you can't remember but because you didn't learn. Versus, you know, when you do learn, and its just something you do without having to consciously remember that lesson?

Apparently, education is that disconnected from memory.

Just let me find iTunes on here, and I'll be humming away to music in no time.

-CSI-

You know... tonight is my birthday party.

Ellie, you know, my sister, is organising it.

And it's oddly... familiar.

You know what? The last few years have been filled with odd moments. Like when iTunes delved into my newish memories for music, and I liked that music from Adele... who doesn't exist here?

Oh, yeah. I did find my mental copy of iTunes.

And I also found out that iRemember isn't just responsible for the access of my memory.

It's also there to enhance memory acquisition, and to disseminate knowledge gained to the iKnow program. And iAdapt is constantly working out the kinks in those... programs. Slowly, though. A few headaches from iremember took five months to 'fix', and that was once I found the mental debug command and could help, here and there.

I'm also having to learn from my sister some medical things to get it, since I can't just run from the perspective that my mind is a computer with a CPU that doesn't change. The human brain is always adapting to things. Changes in heat, blood pressure, loss of brain cells thanks to beer. Use, lack of use. And so on.

For the last few years, my mind has been hot. Hence a lot of headaches from the OS itself, which iAdapt isn't authorised to alter. Hence why my BIOS is version 0.9, I suppose. But I can't just program a patch or entire knew BIOS.

And the system knows that there isn't any virus protection, nor any firewall... which, you know? Could be useful since I've realised that yes, I do know the future. Sort of.

Thankfully, there was in fact some iProgram tool for me to program my own mental 'apps', with a built-in guide to using the BIOS' own coding language dubbed 'hyper thought media language'. Yeah, I figure the guy who made this all had a right laugh. HTML. Very funny.

Thing is, the BIOS is made in 'brain source code', not this.. eh.. HTML. It's like Java. It's a user interface, not the hard data itself.

I've got the beginnings of my own security software in my head. Backup was finished last month.

That's... not that far for the few years I've had it, but come on, who's heard of reprogramming your own brain?

So yeah, sorry I digressed a bit.

Tonight, party.

Tonight, Bryce will email me. Probably.

Oh boy.

Hopefully, since my BIOS is now running, it will somehow step in.

Probably not.

-CSI-

"Hey Morgan." I greeted my best bud as he came in through the Morgan door. I was getting dressed in some nice duds. Keen use of hairgel, and I'd be ready to go.

"Wow, you're actually going to go?"

"What, it's my birthday party. Ellie would _kill_ me if I didn't."

"But... Call of Duty, man."

"I know. Believe me. But think. Call of Duty and Ellie kills not just me, but you as well... or a Birthday bash. With Cake."

"... Call of duty." Morgan said with a whine.

I just looked at him, and with a smile of hunger, "Cake."

"Cod."

"Cake."

"Cod."

"Cake."

"Pie."

Mmm. Pie.

Oh, damnit.

Morgan laughed at me, because I started drooling at some point, and pie was the tipping point.

-CSI-

"Hi. I'm Lisa."

"Hey. Look, don't tell the host, but I'm sort of crashing this party."

Lisa paused, and looked at me with a frown. "But... Aren't you chuck?"

"Yeah, and? Ellie didn't invite me, and she didn't say who's birthday party this was... I presume it's one of Devon's friends, which is odd, because the nearest birthday I know for his friends is next January, and all their birthdays are in the first half of the year now that I think about it."

"... It's your's."

I frown. Well, I'm still twinkling, like I'm friggin albus Dumbledore which doesn't bode well for me, but anyway. Frown. Try to appear like I don't know what she's talking about.

A chuckle escaped.

I get slapped on the arm for the joke.

I get chatted up by a hot girl, whom I don't much gel with.

Not my fault that Ellie's friends aren't into computer games, or TV, and most of them were clearly born in caves, because they haven't seen Star Wars. Ellie hates science fiction. And she's seen Star Wars.

Devon doesn't watch TV much, and most films he's seen have been sports-type films when he was a kid or chick-flicks because of his mom or Ellie, and I've slowly been working on Captain Awesome getting to at least watch an episode of Star Trek a week. (We're up to two episodes in the last three months, at this rate we'll reach the end of the first season of the Original series sometime in the next five years). And he's seen Star Wars. It's insidious, like that.

Yeah, _everyone_ has seen Star Wars. Even if they don't remember much of it, except that there was this 'blade of light, a guy with asthma and Harrison Ford." It's what kicked off Harrison's damn career. That and Indiana Jones, but that's not as well-watched.

-CSI-

So. Hello Bryce Larkins' email.

I had to mentally prepare myself. Well, more like I felt it would help.

And lo and behold, I suddenly had my own kind of DOS text running through my head.

Kernel: Preparing for Intersect download. Estimated time to download: Eight hours. Killing unnecessary processes. iRemember now in interrupt mode. Physical processes slaved to subconscious. Ready to begin...|

My fingers lightly entered in the password, and a slight tap of the enter.

When it was done, I crawled into the shower to start my day.

-CSI-

Meditation. It helps. I've been using it for awhile, when I needed to go 'into the guts' of my computer-brain.

It's my break at the Buy More, and that's what I'm doing.

The show suggested it was a direct data dump into my conscious brain, but my brain couldn't just access it all at once. It had to give the info piece-meal 'on request'. So basically, I shouldn't know what is in it. No index files.

But what I think this download was, was more like a computer download of the source code of the program and its database – including the data that would be in that database, not just the structure.

That first day, I used every spare second I could get to monitor the progress of my apps to assimilating it, and around monitoring it, I was writing an app for it.

Basically, a 'headsup' display that I would see when something has a related file in the intersect.

It's, not complete yet. Neither is the integration of the intersect into my head. But I've allowed it to 'play merry hell' in these last two days. Run in 'sandbox' mode as if it's running from my consciousness, not in parallel the way that my BIOS does.

Yeah, that was the very first thing that the scan of it found – it was supposed to integrate into a person's consciousness.

I have no idea how this will change things.

Now I'm meditating, completed version 0.4 of my 'Intersect GUI' and it's about three-quarters way through building the 'file index tables', or a searchable database for the database. Yeah. Fifteen minutes of letting it run faster in my mind, a headache from the overclocking my mind, and I'm back at the nerd-herd desk. And seeing Intersect 'Data found' blobs hovering near two people in the store.

They're like transparent pop-ups, hovering next to the people. Two, ah, 'buttons', I guess. 'Basic info', and 'Intersect Data'. Little mental prod at basic info, and I get what I already know.

I think that my GUI isn't just for my Intersect.

A quick command and my heads-up widget disappears from my vision.

That. Will be handy.

-CSI-

Middle of the day. Still the second day since getting the intersect.

Morgan's stood near me, and I'm doing some work while having a chat, when he speaks up. "Stop the presses."

I look up. And I've got the Widget on right now, and I can see basic info like normal, but 'intersect data' is greyed out. A mental prod at it just gives me a 'classified and you don't want to know' message in red letters in my vision. Those words.

I don't.

I shut it down and give her a smile as she walks up.

Hello Sarah Walker.

"Hi, I'm Chuck, how can I help?"

-CSI-

I got home, and like the episode I still clearly remember from my 'other' memories, there was a ninja waiting.

And my widget had evolved somehow, I think. Threat Assessment popped up, with the highlight 'intersect data' greyed out, and stated 'level 2.6'. Whatever that means.

A few bruises and the ninja left with my computer.

Not that much is on it. Having a computer in my mind, and that I always played console games instead of PC (and it was a mac, so there weren't that many games for it never mind on it anyway), meant that some of the uses (like music), I didn't need.

If I wanted music, I could just put on iTunes, and it tapped my own sense of hearing without overwriting it. Just as my eyesight was tapped by the IHD widget. Or whatever I'll eventually call it.

But... whatever, right now I'd rather collapse in pain. Thank you Morgan for that.

And maybe Sarah might not visit the Buy More tomorrow in a veiled attempt at seeing if I still had the intersect. I knew I should have let Morgan build that shelf.

-CSI-

What the?

She's here.

Sarah Walker.

Agent, Walker.

I dismiss the widget's info bubble – without dismissing the entire program, thankfully. I think iAdapt is running in the background now. Or my subconscious has found a way to program. Probably the later, considering the Terminator theme I tested during my visit to the Large Mart.

And as I proceeded to make an ass of myself, like I remember from the show but no matter how much I try to be cool or suave something tells me that honesty is the policy right now, well, aside from telling her that I'm a walking intersect as that would be bad to do immediately. And I'm honestly nervous as hell and she's just asked if I'm free to show her around and why aren't I answering. Oh god Morgan shut up...

-CSI-

Okay, I got to prepare... no. I have to tell Ellie first.

And I walk in. Morgan's not here thank god – I want to be the one to tell her.

Okay I look at threat level... 2.8? But sarah in Ninja outfit was only 2.6...

"Ellie... Captain, don't freak out. Remain calm. I have some news..." Threat level 2.9? "I... sorta met this girl and..." '4.8: Retreat advised'? What the hell...

"Sort of... I kinda..."

I stop, nervous as hell, partly because that threat level is telling me that she's going to kill me.

'9.8: Retreat Impossible. Tell her idiot'.

What the hell?

"I have a date." And I have a faulty widget, apparently.

And that reads so wrong.

'10.0: Estrogen levels to dangerous levels. Danger will robinson!'.

I shut it down. I'll see about that damn thing later.

-CSI-

"Well, Ellie raised me since our dad left, and I was about... twelve." I look away, as I know why he did thanks to the show. "She got herself a job and half-ditched high school just so she could put food the table. The house had been bought and paid for, so at least there was that."

"I'm sorry..." She started, and paused, not knowing what to say really.

"It's okay. I know why he left... can't exactly hate him for it."

She looked at me, oddly, as if she understood.

"I mean, he did it to protect us, and so he could focus more effort on finding our mom. And keeping his employers from us. He didn't exactly like the Government." He say with a dose of irony.

"He worked for the government?"

"Yeah. He never talked about it. I mean, classified, right? And I was always into the same things he was when he was home so that was easy to pick up on. Once I understood what 'classified' meant, I stopped trying to sneak into his office."

Totally not true. But I want to at least lay the foundation for knowing a _few_ things before I should, considering Orion removed all info on himself from the intersect before he left the CIA. So by having the clues through other ways, well.

"He left to protect you?"

"Yeah. I think Mom left because of his work, and..." I gulped and looked down, "not willingly. I mean. She loved us." I looked back up at Sarah, and with intensity that she gets, I finish. "She wasn't the type to leave one day and that is it, without some other reason. She was Happy. I've been over all my memories of them both, dozens of times as I got older, and that's the one thing I've never been able to get. They both loved us, each other."

"Did you ever try to find her?"

... Oh, snap. Opportunity.

"Once." I... lie? No. The memory of the TV Show... or is that memory of my own past, from a certain point of view?

"What happened?"

"Russians." I answer. "Thankfully they didn't know I was even there."

"Russians?"

"Yep. And I stopped looking for my dad at that point too, knowing already that... well."

She nodded slightly. She understood.

"So. Enough about me, What about you?"

"Ah, there's not much to tell..."

That is definite real nerves and hesitation.

"I... just moved from D.C."

"uh-huh. C'mon." I smile a little, and poke her with a finger. "Spill."

She looks at me, right in my eyes, and I decide, now or never.

I waggle my eyebrows, and give her my best Bartowski smile. "What made Sarah Walker move all the way here from D.C.?"

"I... was in a relationship... and we had a, bad break-up." She answers. And Oddly... she's telling the truth. But from a certain point of view.

The 'bad' in 'bad break-up' is Bryce dying.

I lose the smile.

"Oh, I'm... sorry."

"No, you're not." She answers with a light care-free laugh.

"I am." I answer back. I am too. Damn you Bryce for being such a... well... I don't know what, but you were a good guy back then, you're a good guy now and I don't hate that you got me kicked out of Stanford because I'd have been recruited for a 'destroy him to make him' military-style CIA project. If you were just a total Jerk that acted nice... then I wouldn't be. Much. Well, I would that Sarah was...

Yeah, damnit.

"I guess I didn't leave all my baggage in D.C. afterall."

"Well, maybe you just need someone to be your own personal baggage handler."

... Did I re... yes I did.

Damn you TV. Damn you nerves. Damn damn damn.

"So, you moved here because of him." I pushed a bit.

"Yeah." She looked at me, and damn is she so far above my expectations... "I realised that all of my friends were really his, and... Washington just reminded me of him."

"I know what that's like."

She nodded. She could guess. "I... wanted a change of scenery. Change of pace."

"I know. After my best friend at college got me kicked out... my friends were his, and about the only thing we didn't do together was dating." I chuckle a bit, and add, "Personally, if he asked me, I'd have had to let him down gently."

Sarah went wide-eyed and started to giggle.

"Yeah. I mean... I get why he got me kicked out, but still promised that next time I saw him I'd kick his ass."

"Wait... you got kicked out?"

"Yeah. For cheating on a subliminal imaging test, of all things."

A flicker. I think she realises the 'accidental' connection there. "I'm missing something."

"You can't really cheat on it. It's... data is embedded into a picture in a subliminal way. Professor Fleming's tests were always on the fly and never planned out. You couldn't cheat because even he didn't have the answers, well, until after the test anyway."

"That means that..."

"Yeah. I know. I don't know what Bryce said to him," I say, name-dropping quietly as I turn a million miles away. Or rather, inward a little. My name dropping of my professor triggered a little pop up saying that first, the intersect was almost done, and the final steps needed me unconscious aka to reboot. And second, there was already data retrieved from the database-of connected to him.

I blinked, and shook it off.

"What's wrong?" She asked, an odd tone in her voice.

"Nothing, just... probably nothing."

Then I look at her, and say, as if realising, "Wait... you're from D.C. and I know where he moved to so if you say your ex was Bryce Larkin..."

She's quiet.

My head, in a show of 'great, just great' without the declaration, hits the table.

Then a moment later, I look up and I'm solemn as heck, because I know what'll be in the paper soon.

"He's... gone isn't he."

She blinked.

"He sent me an e-mail the other day."

She blinked again, and leaned forward.

I'm so going to hate myself for saying this lie. But I'll stick by my guns on this. "Told me he regretted that things were the way they were, and that if I ever met his partner, to look after her."

She blinked again, and leant forward a bit more. "A... Anything else?"

I blink back tears. Damnit. I know he... might... come back soon but damn. "Yeah but, couldn't make much sense of it right away. When I do, I'll let you know." I smile a bit. Then smile a little, as if Bryce had let me in on a secret that has nothing to do with the Intersect. "Well, that and told me not to annoy his partner when knives are in reach. You wouldn't know what he meant would you?"

Oh god she just chuckled a bit.

"Come on, I think we both could do with some cheering up."

-CSI-

We're dancing. And then I notice that my BIOS is running faster than normal in response to what I remember from the TV Show – something I doubt 'just chuck' would have noticed until she was dragging him into the damn car.

NSA agents just entered. And they're all flagged with my Widget... which has altered my eyesight again to Terminator mode.

I get in close, and whisper to Sarah, "One of the things about that subliminal imaging course, was it pointed out to me that though 98 percent of my attention is on one thing, that other two percent is noticing a lot more than it should. I just noticed some guys enter with guns, and they look government. And that two percent also tells me that you're wearing body armour, so either they're here for you, or they're here because of the email Bryce sent to me. I think I've figured part of what was in it now."

She blinked at me as she pulled back, and I started to look like I'm about to seduce her or something, and whisper, "Hey, danger first, questions later..."

-CSI-

I'm on the roof again.

Or not 'again', but for the first time.

Oddly enough, how we three ended up here isn't because Sarah drove, but because I told her she shoots, I drive.

I know the roads of LA, and with focussing that computer brain of mine on the job, halting all other processes... well lets just say that the Nerd Herder could do with an engine rebuild... and body work. And a new gearbox. And clutch. And tires. And rims too.

Well, lets just say that the Buy More needs a new nerd herder and move on.

The roof.

I clutch my head, because it's hurting now. Driving like that overclocked my head to the red line.

"Chuck?"

"I..." I look up at 'casey'. And Blink big because now my widget is indicating threat level 8.7 – request on marines honour to hold off for 3 minutes to reboot then explain.

I force it out, as if it was the intersect that let me know.

"... Major John Casey... I... This damn thing's gonna... knock... unconscious... Three... minutes..." Oh the pain.

... "Need... Word... Marines... Honour..."

He blinks at me.

"You... wait... Three... Mints... splain... then..."

And... Down.

-CSI-

Brain Intersect OS 0.9: Patching to version 1.1...|

Rebooting.

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: Initialising installing of iFlash version 1.0...|

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: iFlash verison 1.0 installed...|

iFlash 1.0: Patch detected. Patching to 1.0.8...|

iFlash 1.0: Patching complete...|

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: Installing Intersect Database 1.0...|

External Monitoring Protocol: Emergency...|

Sensory Functions: Initialising Audio receptors...|

".-Uck. Wake up Chuck..."

"He's dead, Walker."

"He's still got a pulse."

"Really... Well... Not-"

"Don't you get it? The Intersect!"

"What?"

External Monitoring Protocol: Emergency. Time to reinitialization...|

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: 2 minutes 30 seconds...|

External Monitoring Protocol: Enacting Emergency Protocol Orion's Son. Assuming Vocal Control...|

"..papspspspdasd."

"What the hell?"

"Chuck?"

Protocol 'Orion's Son': Loading ...|

"Voice Recognition Confirmed – Identity, Agent Sarah Walker. Administrator rights granted."

"Chuck, this is no time for games, wake up."

"Reinitialization in two minutes twenty three seconds."

"re... what?"

"Clarification – Installation of Intersect Database 1.0 will complete in two minutes. Reinitialization in two minutes fifteen seconds."

"Chuck, okay, I'm an admin. I order you to wake up."

"Admin Command Override accepted... Unable to comply."

"Why?"

"Premature re-emergence of personality will corrupt Intersect base software. Corruption of Intersect base software will corrupt personality."

"He sounds like a computer."

"The intersect is one you dumb ass!"

"He's not, though."

"Administrator Agent Walker correct. I am the Brain Intersect 1.1 external monitoring protocol override."

"Why did... you fall unconscious?"

"Personality Charles Bartowski was taken offline to prevent personality erasure during intersect update."

"Updated? What do you mean updated?"

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: reinitilization in one minute...|

"Intersect package downloaded identified as CIA-NSA Intelligence Database contains Brain Intersect Operating Software version 1.1. Previously installed version of the BIOS was version 0.9. Reinitilization includes updating BIOS. Database integration requires upgrade. Upgrade requires shutdown of Personality. Alert. Integration complete. Reinitializing will commence in eight seconds. Personality will wake in ten seconds."

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: Reinitialization complete...|

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: Loading Personality...|

I'm awake now. And reviewing activity of the last three minutes in the space of a second.

I blink my eyes open, even as more of that BIOS stuff runs through my thoughts. 1.1? Meh, n ot like that side of things was ever really explored in the show.

Wait... Administrator rights?

"Hey Sarah... Casey... I'm awake now."

They're staring.

"What?"

"You... already had an intersect?"

I blink. And review that... oh. Damnit.

"... Well, yeah. I mean... well..." I blink for a moment, then added, "well, really, It's why I stopped peeking."

I look at Sarah, and cough out 'dad'.

It takes a moment, then she gets an 'oh' look on her face.

"What I have to ask, is... Administrator?" I look at Sarah, and my widget is... replaced by 'iFlash'. Which is apparently a merger of the intersects' own 'info dump' protocol and my widget. Files – without the subliminal images they were embedded in – flash in a popup as I read them at the speed of a flash.

And a pop up in the corner of my eyes shows up as I flash, yet I can read it as if it were in the focal point as well.

'Brain Activity: 60 percent. 50 percent. 20 percent.'

Huh. Brain monitoring.

"Don't ask me."

"... Oh right. One second, just got to query my computer-brain."

I think the question.

BIOS 1.1 Helpfile: Agent Sarah Walker recognised as trusted. Emergency command override authority granted.

An attached file to the, query, shows me the why for trusted (partly from the show, partly from that she was helping me. I query Casey's 'user' status.

BIOS 1.1 helpfile: Agent John Casey recognised as threat. Threat Level reduced to 4.3. Suggest Caution.

Yeah, right now he's more 'I'll kill yer if they give the order.'

"Okay. Got it."

iFlash: Alert. Time-sensitive issue detected: Mission file: 'Chuck Pilot'. Correlating Data... Data available for immediate purview ...|

Oh, wow that's super helpful! Time-sensitive stuff without needing something to actually flash *on.*

Speaking of, "ER, guys, the Intersect just made me aware of a bomb. In the hotel."

Sure enough, I'm reviewing the data – which I can do slower so not to get a headache. Nice. Even so, half-speed is still two or three seconds.

"What?"

I turn to Casey, and the file gives me the concise 'verbal report'.

"The General who recently landed here for the conference is the target of a terrorist, who has built a bomb."

"How do you know this?"

"Hello, Computer program in my brain. Smart one too, marked 'time-sensitive'. Intelligence from NSA and CIA database?"

Sarah nods to me, and ... wow the team's together.

Different than it was in the show, but the same. Wow. That's... weird.

-CSI-

**Non-1****st**** Person bit now**

"You mean to tell me that Chuck Bartowski isn't just host to our entire intelligence database, but that he was already an intersect host long before?"

"Yes ma'am. I tried to pry out of him who gave it to him, but all he'll say is that he got the 0.9 version when he was a kid and 'too damn nosey for his own good'. It was just the base Operating System. No Database, no programs. He said that it became, active, and his personality sort of... subservient to it, a few years ago after a pretty hard hit to his head. If he hadn't been subsumed by it, he believes that this intersect would have overloaded his mind and shut it down. Permanently."

"You believe him on those points?"

"He's a pretty crappy liar. Bout the only lie was being too nosey. He's particularly convinced he'd be dead from the download, otherwise."

"Alright. I will contact you tomorrow with how we shall proceed from here. But for now, he is now an Asset of the CIA and NSA. You will be his, handler. I will contact Director Graham, but I already suspect who he will choose to be Bartowski's CIA handler."

-CSI-

"... It... can't be..." Graham muttered.

Sarah was at the right point that when she heard that, she put two-and-two together, and had to ask, "Did..."

Graham interrupted immediately, "Agent Walker. You are not to speak of this information to anyone."

"Sir..."

"Anyone, Agent Walker. Not even me, ever again. Understood?"

"Yes sir."

"Chuck's status as a host of the Intersect must be kept closely guarded. Few in the CIA and the NSA are even supposed to know about the Intersect itself. None must know of Chuck's pre-existing state. There are those involved in it's development that had sought to use it in human hosts. However tests had long shown that there were problems translating the base software from computer code to so-called brain code that could be fully encoded into images to be correctly decoded by the brain. It is why the intersect was left to be a computer database alone, and only partial downloads into agents brains' were ever attempted. Most were only partial-successes, but none retained any part of the download beyond four or five missions. Given his status..."

"Chuck would retain it all."

"Exactly. You said that when he... rebooted, it was to prevent his personality from being erased?"

"Yes."

"Then it seems Mister Bartowski is more than we could have hoped for in any Human-intersect endeavour."

Sarah felt chills at that.

"However, that does not mean that we can just take him, train him and turn him into a CIA field agent, or put him on Solo-missions. His own capacity to be a human intersect put him in a vulnerable position."

Sarah felt odd. It's like Graham knew that the benefits of turning him into a spy was outweighed by something that he shouldn't really know.

"He already sees you as trustworthy. And having seen his full classified file, I can see why."

That... was odd. Classified file? The CIA didn't know about,... so why a file? She had to ask. "Sir, if he already had a file, why wasn't I made aware of it?"

"Because I didn't even know until early this evening, and as you were... on your date... I couldn't contact you. And as I'm assigning you as his CIA Handler, I'll have copies sent to you."

-CSI-

**And back to Chuck 1****st**** person**

Hi. I'm Chuck, and here's a few things you ought to know.

That's me. I work at a Buy More. That's my Buy More Nerd Herd badge, those are my shoes, and that's my Nerd Herd car that I wrecked the other night.

For the first... well, no. My life's always been complicated, even when I thought it was simple.

A week ago, my former best friend from college sent me secrets, government secrets, encoded into a database that was itself encoded into thousands of pictures in a way designed to upload that database into a human mind. Only, he wasn't supposed to. So the CIA and NSA sent out their best agents to investigate. Now I'm their Asset. A walking intelligence database. To stay close to me, they both need covers.

That's Major John Casey, NSA, cold-school Marine Corps. Hoo-rah. His cover is in the Buy More as a salesman. He's worked here for two days now, and already he's got better sales than everyone else. Combined. He's also the tallest and scariest guy to grace the employee's lounge, so the idiots generally leave him alone. Usually. Well, sometimes. Okay, they take 'idiots' to the next level, but anyway. He's my NSA Handler. In our team, he generally is the one you rely on to shoot first and oops later. I mean, ask later. Well, half and half on that point.

And that blonde-haired goddess that just walked in the door with her hair blowing like someone turned on a fan, and oh-boy is iTunes really throwing up some music to fit this picture... hmm...

Ahem.

Anyway, She's... Agent Sarah Walker, CIA, The Deliverer of Knives to Sensitive Places if you dare believe you can't trust her when you totally can (after all, she's gone to bat for me already by trying to save my life from that previously mentioned NSA Killer, hence why when he was sent to investigate, I didn't end up dead.) She's also a total badass ninja. Her cover job is across the street from the Buy More, currently a Wienerlicious. And though I know she _can_ cook, she just can't do wieners, so I can't wait for it to become the Orange Orange. Hey, maybe I can suggest a change in cover. 'Yoghurts' so much better'.

You can't eat wieners off a girl for... ahem!

Sorry. Miles away.

No... a hundred feet and imaging licking off yoghurt from...

...

Ahem.

Now, because they'll need to stick around a bit more often than just when I'm at work, Casey's bought the apartment across the yard from casa bartowski. He's also probably rigged my house up with cameras by now. Perhaps a session of me and Morgan discussing desert island survival packs is in order.

And Sarah... well to give her an excuse to hang around me... we're... well... Cover relationship.

And hot damn is it going to be difficult to have a cover relationship yet hiding real feelings.

Cuz. She's hot. And totally smart.

Did I mention that she's also the go-to gal for knives, and just where she keeps them? I mean, she keeps them pretty high up her legs given the wienerlicious short skirt so...

Oh.

Wow.

...

Hmm.

Brain Intersect OS 1.1: Personality shut down detected.


	3. Death of Personality

**Hmm... so what would happen if Mary's "intersect corrupter" hit this one?**

-CSI-

Four years.

In that time, Sarah and I went from cover to real relationship.

I found my father, and did NOT bring it before the CIA. When he called the line I'd had one of my intersect-programs generate computer noise with embedded instructions to deliver an 'orion special' computer to 'the old house'.

We actually met up, and I said 'hey dad' once I'd made sure we were alone.

Well, sort of. I did tell sarah I'd found my dad with my own special search program. I just didn't tell her that it was by looking for Orion. She knew, though. Should have known that the hint that my dad worked on the project would lead to her realising who Orion was.

Graham... died in the intersect 1.2 project, and apparently, only Bryce and he knew about orion being Steven Bartowski.

After that I told them I wanted to get some field-agent training, though I could never be a solo-agent. I had Sarah run me through martial arts training, and had a widget monitor movements, with an adaptive addition so that I actually learned the arts.

Of course, then I found my dad as Orion... then told him he needed to show up one day after I mysteriously found him in the woods or something. And 'thanks for the laptop, by the way' that he was delivering. And oh, yeah. I can't remove the intersect, dad, because I got hit in the head, it corrupted me sorta and the basic one I got hit with as a kid kicked in with emergency backups of my personality. But it resotred my personality as more like AI, as in computer files, brain code but computer files all the same. Remove the intersect, remove me. The CIA and NSA don't know it and they want me to stay as the intersect anyway, but I can't not be one.

He didn't like that, but I told him that I trusted Sarah. And sort of why.

Cold CIA agent like she was wouldn't have fought for me at the beginning, given her mission. She did though, and it went against her own training to do that.

Um. Fulcrum's upload. No 'redshift' flashing. I'd been preparing for that upload since the assignment came up.

Didn't reconnect with Jill. I just saw her from a distance, and said to Casey that I'd flashed on a suspected fulcrum agent. Once he'd gotten her detained, he'd asked me why I didn't tell Sarah. I told him. 'She's my ex, and frankly, I don't want the ex I don't have feelings for meeting my cover girlfriend, and suggesting something that the CIA don't want to see there.'

Last four years, I've also been subtly driving Morgan towards maturity, even if I have kept him on the immature side of things a when it came to games. Well, with morgan, Subtle means pretty damn obvious to loads of others.

Hmm, oh, yeah. The Lockdown order? Didn't go through, because I'd shared with General Beckman after the 'orion's your father?' fiasco that was an attempt at infiltrating Roark Industries, that my identity as the intersect was still secure – he'd gone there in an attempt to pretend to be an upset father, while really just helping his son spy. Roark knew he was Orion, but didn't think nothing of the son who went to work for him because, you know... Roark.

That and I avoided that massively public thing, and instead got fired for a faked nervous breakdown.

And yes, I remember that episode, so I DID ask casey to join me and Sarah on our search for Orion.

Hardest part was pretending not to know too soon. Easiest part was knowing that Orion had implanted an audio command that I could do with my modem-voice thing.

Or rather, an automated vocal-hijack thing. Yeah, based on the control algorithms used in the emergency protocols that let the BIOS thing talk to Sarah before.

The end of that didn't ruin my sisters' wedding, because Casey got some friends of his to discretely guard the wedding. I pointed out that after the air strike, we didn't get confirmation that roark was dead, and he knew I was involved somehow, so he'd figure ellie might be too.

I didn't leave the team.

Bryce was to become the host to an intersect configured specifically for him. I requested to be the one to go over its programming, and he was going to join my team. Bryce knew the score by then. (Hell, he figured out the first time he saw us that she was head over heels by then and that we both seemed to just know we needed to keep it cover-level until I got promoted from asset to field agent.) He also figured out that Sarah and I worked better than he did.

But he still got shot and almost died. I had to take the 2.0 download.

Which I'd prepared for very well. Portable storage unit for the 2.0 itself, and I downloaded it into my head, but with a much better install software ready for it. I'd ensured it was capable of installing in smaller 'packages'.

When the Ring agents entered, they saw I'd destroyed the computer.

Then I loaded up the training package for kung fu. Yes, training package.

Teach body and mind moves together it does. Both in sync they must, ready to learn, and not just rely on computer in head to do all work each and every time.

That and I knew some martial arts from sarah, so I wasn't a complete beginner physically.

Still, I took down the ring agents, and got a Casey-comment of 'chuck me'.

Nice.

So I was the 2.0.

I informed Gen. Beckman at that point that I would like to accelerate my physical training regimen.

When she asked how it interacted with the 1.0, I finally told her that when I was a kid, Orion's pet intersect project had been uploaded to a curious kid called Charles. And one night as an adult, he got drunk, got hit in the head, and the intersect took control, and rebuilt 'his' personality, even though identity was intact, but it was from then on an intersect identity, intertwined. I cannot have it removed without erasing me. And that CIA-NSA one Bryce sent, merely updated it. Graham knew, Sarah and Casey knew, but the info was classified to a level that she didn't have by her superior, before she was given command next in line.

Yeah that's not Beckman in the pilot episode.

Shaw wasn't an asshole.

Devon wasn't thought of as Agent Carmichael by a ring operative.

That said, the Buy More was avoided as much as we could as my 'base of operations'.

I dug deep with my special search in my off time and sent the results to Shaw shortly after we met.

It was who ordered his wife's hit – A Ring Operative that wanted to frame the CIA for it, by having it given to a CIA Recruit as a red test that wouldn't make a good prospect for recruitment herself.

He got the message.

I got a book on the rules of being a spy, with a supplemental book on how it changes for couples, written by Evelyn Shaw.

We didn't get that particular director when it came around. And I convinced him to fake finding out about the 'CIA' hit so we could out the heads of the ring.

Beckman was furious that we went with the plan, and didn't even tell her.

I told her that she couldn't have done the defending our team part quite so well as just an act. We had to use the Ring's own plans against them. Only way it would work.

My dad wore a stuntman vest.

I told him i didn't need his hardware-based stealable Governor. That and I was creating my own governor download package for Shaw, who'd gotten the ring's own intersect in the deal. At that point, after taking the ring down, we'd made a rush job of corrupting it before it could have corrupted him.

Yeah that's another thing. The 2.0 runs hotter, but I managed a software fix to that. That and I kept my BIOS to 1.5. 2.0 was too hot, though I kept the fighting which was peripheral, not integral. I did say I made sure it was more packaged, didn't I?

So yeah.

Sarah and I became an official item.

I never was sent to prague.

And Ellie still found out.

My ever-faulty threat-level widget shot up to 11 and 'jeez, even the CIA can't protect you from this one'. I told her that I couldn't not be a spy, Sarah was one, and we worked well together. Most spies don't get a partner they can trust like we could.

Morgan was brought in during a Ring raid too.

Oddly, the Buy More was sold and bulldozed a few months during my search for my mom, which Sarah and I started a short time after dealing with The Ring. Morgan helped. And since I was on a nice paycheck from uncle sam since, well, since they realised that it was a boon for them to keep me and use my ability with the intersect...

So. The last year.

Morgan and I went on trips around the world on our private venture. Sarah and I went on trips around the world for the CIA. Casey and Morgan went on a couple of trips around the world, half and half oddly enough.

And I made sure that the lot of us had lots of time team-building in one way or another. Paintballing, Laser-tag, a camping weekend.

Let me tell you, once Morgan got mature with handling a gun and none of that silly jumping about like a frog? Team Bartowski could match Team Awesome. And I don't mean Devon's friends. Tron-lookalike Mr Awesome and Mrs Awesome play a mean paintball game with Devon and the little Awesomes.

Anyway.

A lot of work on Morgan.

Team Bartowski wasn't needed much...

Then Volkoff.

I had dad fake his death again. But this time with that fakeadeathanoll. Even complete with a fake-grave setup.

He was put six feet under by the US Government, just like they wanted him.

Right into a safe bunker.

Two hours later, he was awake, and had taken a new identity. Michael Carmichael. (He was not pleased when I gave him his new passports)

I told him to make sure his 'intersect wiper' wasn't in his basement.

Then my mom showed up for the terror thing.

Soon enough I was on my tuttle adventure.

Knowing it was Volkoff. And winterbottom.

Ah shit.

I was a spy. I could act like I didn't know it was Volkoff.

I told him the truth. Sort of.

That my parents were spies, I found out after they'd left me, but my parents couldn't come back, and Stephen Bartowski was a mentor to me.

I sort of implied that I saw him as a step-father and thought that trying to get Mary out was my way of getting a step-mother.

His death had as much impact on me as my dad leaving.

Yeah. I guess it is true, from a certain point of view, as Robot Chicken Star Wars once said.

Bank. Phalanx thingy.

Then the bunker, where all my dad's files and stuff had already been copied from to my own bunker in echo park.

And my dad didn't remove the wiper. Which is a corruptor.

... ah shit.

"Your father never wanted you to see this."

"... Mom don'-"

...

BIOS 1.1: Intersect Security failure. Orion Protocol override detected. Alert. Intersect Corruption. Personallity corruption.

-CSI-

**3****rd**** Person POV.**

Mary lowered the device as it stopped, and was about to move, when her son just dropped to the ground, eyes blank.

She blinked, and froze as Volkoff came in and frowned at the boy, but said nothing as he tied him to a chair. Mary realised that Sarah was already tied up.

"Well, I had thought he'd be awake for this." Volkoff commented.

"Chuck... Wake up." Sarah pleaded.

And to her hope, she heard something from him. Though not what she wanted, it was at first, a good sign.

"papapapappspspspspsst."

"Voice Recognition: Sarah Walker Confirmed. Administration rights confirmed. Alert. Physical movement restricted."

"Charles?"

"Voice Recognition: Unidentified profile confirmed."

Mary didn't like this tone, and thought he was messing. "Chuck."

"Voice Recognition: Mary Bartowski confirmed. Hostile Action confirmed. Administration rights removed."

Mary blinked. That meant a lot, and she had no idea what.

Volkoff looked at Charles, and saw something that couldn't be faked by Carmichael. "He's not in there. What did that damn thing do?"

Charles just sat there, blank, not moving.

Sarah looked at Mary, and the older woman was shocked to see grief in them, and not the sort if it was just the intersect that had been removed. The same question was in the blonde's eyes.

"I... it was supposed to corrupt the intersect."

Sarah looked at Chuck, and with a steady voice that was contrary to all physical indicators of her mental state, she spoke out, as if in command. "External monitoring protocol override. What is the state of the BIOS."

"BIOS Corrupted."

"BIOS?" Volkoff asked.

Oddly, this time Chuck answered. "Brain-Intersect Operating Software."

Volkoff looked at Mary, who just gave a 'dont look at me' in turn.

"It's his mind." Sarah whispered.

"You mean the intersect." Mary corrected.

"No. I mean his mind." She glared at the woman. "The intersect wasn't part of his mind. It was his mind. It's the only reason it didn't kill him. All that knowledge. The version .9, the CIA-NSA Database, the Fulcrum database, the 2.0."

"I... don't understand."

Sarah looked at Chuck, and this time she couldn't keep a steady tone as she spoke, "Status of Identity."

"Core Files corrupted. Education files corrupted. IQ File corrupted. Personality Files corrupted."

"Restore from backup." She pleaded.

"Unable to restore Identity Charles Bartowski from backup. Backups corrupted."

Mary blinked.

Volkoff looked up in shock.

"What do you mean, Identity?" She asked Sarah.

"His mind was... damaged. Five, six years ago. The intersect activated to... but it could only back 'him' up before the brain was overwhelmed. The next morning he woke to find himself as an AI in the brain with Intersect programming. He was the Personality, the Identity... patterned on the original Chuck Bartowski. But he was no brain-computer code as he called it. And you've killed him."

-CSI-

Steven sighed as he looked at his immobile son.

He'd done this on purpose, to get them to think his son braindead.

And he couldn't tell any one of them.

He hated it, and he hated himself. And he knew his son would hate him if he...

He looked around the Castle infirmary, and noted the various computers switched off.

Then back at his son, who was breathing, the only sign of intelligent life was the fact that he would respond when questioned by anyone with 'friend' or better status.

Morgan was not pleased, to put it lightly, when all he could get from Chuck was 'the personality you refer to has been corrupted.' Or 'please clarify' or 'unable to comply'.

He spoke clearly, in command. "Voice Recognition."

"Voice Recognition: Steven Bartowski confirmed."

"Retinal confirmation." He added, and looked directly in his sons eyes.

A second passed. "Retina: Steven Bartowski confirmed."

"Passcode Stargate Orion Sierra Golf One. Recognise Orion."

"Passcode accepted. Identity Orion confirmed."

"Unlock BIOS 2.4 Install package. Unlock Identity backups. Unlock Memory. Initiate BIOS-Overwrite command with immediate backup of Identity and Memory."

"... Working. Working. All requested unlocks complete. BIOS 2.4 initiating over-write Install. Identity and Memory backed up to ? Drive. Estimated time to completion: Unknown. Alert. Install requires breaching 60 percent brain activity limit. Use of hardware Governor recommended before you continue."

On the watch he'd had ready for Chuck went.

"Governor Detected. Removing restrictions. Estimated time to completion: four hours."

"What the hell?"

Sarah was at the door, and had heard enough.

"That wasn't a device to corrupt an Intersect, Sarah. Embedded in the images was a command that Mary and Volkoff must think that 'Chuck' was effectively brain dead. It was going to be my gift to Chuck for his birthday. The 2.4 BIOS. Programs I'd written with him in mind. Unlocking potential that he'd only scratched so far."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you couldn't play it hard enough if I had. It had to be real for you to get them to believe."

"How did Mary know..."

"I'd left notes of a device the size and shape of a Sony PSP handheld games console that was actually an intersect-removal device. In actuality though, it was the opposite. Combined with one of my laptops, and... well. Chuck will be unbeatable when it comes to computers."

"You do realise that Volkoff knows you had a kid. He'll find out about Ellie."

"I know."

-CSI-

Lets just say that I had it out with my dad once I woke up to the 2.4.

And refused to even let him near the plan when Volkoff found out that Sarah had survived and went 'Darth Walker' on the CIA and that he'd shown her that she hadn't really loved me (for some reason I get the idea that he's not that good at sensing the fake, because I was near them when they met and I gotta tell you, she was not doing very good acting.)

When he showed up at my dad's cabin, and I was sat there in the dark, I had to really hold in my pleasure at the plan.

I'd infiltrated his boat, and then left. Without being seen.

I'd hacked his network from my room in echo park, even. Well, my room inside the bunker, with a large intersect-room type setup of monitors, each interacting with my BIOS through methods greater than what my dad had come up with, and this is what I had all within my mind with knowledge I'd been building for several years from my sister.

Think Ancient chair from Stargate. Thought control, but only because I had computer programs in my head already.

Yeah, comparison with the ancient database there. Heh.

I had to keep the plan similar to how it was in the episode. Eh. I'm lazy. And also curious how it showed him having practically no plan, yet he came out with that from left field in the very next scene... what the hell?

So yeah.

I'm sat here.

Out there, is a whole frickin army with orders that Volkoff can't hear them take out his men.

"You're late." I spoke with my recent voice-modulator upgrade. Accents and changing my voice to someone elses is pitifully easy now. I sound like an old british bloke, similar to sean connery. Scottish accent light.

"I take it that Steven really is dead as my agent reported?"

"Perhaps. One can never be certain with him, but he had been good enough to show me how to use his equipment some time ago. I never thought I'd have to repay my debt to Carmichael in this way, though."

I stood up, and thanked god that I managed to wear shoes that added an inch, and wore trousers that hid that fact. Especially in this low light.

And that I wore a mask.

Some words exchanged, Morgan got most with the last, yeah, solution.

A fight, tussle, I end up on the floor, and he's got a gun pointed at me.

And my mask is showing as a mask a little, and he sees it.

"I can't believe you didn't figure out the solution."

"solution?"

Oh, come on. I couldn't help it. I pulled the mask off, and with a grin, said, "Gotcha."

... "Charles?"

Eh, I explained the trick a little.

Well, I pointed out that I already had his hydra network, I just needed his passcode.

"My father taught me a lot of things. Like Looks can be deceiving. Fight for your family. Never use a gun unless you absolutely have to."

With that, Volkoff realised that yes I'd not had it loaded.

"I'm not going to kill you."

A knock on the door, and General Beckman came in.

"I'm not going to arrest you, even."

General Beckman looked at me, and nodded, the marines coming in with sunglasses on. She put her own on.

Volkoff ignored it because he was focused on the computer which showed a picture of his heir.

"Don't." He spoke with a whisper.

"We're not going to hurt her. What we're going to do is to you, Alexei. Because you don't belong."

"What?"

"You don't belong. Did you know that you're an identity created by an intersect?"

He blinked. But he was transfixed on the photo.

I know why, because I embedded a command in that photo.

My contribution to something that Stephen had longed for for so long. To get his best friend back too.

"Your real name is Hartley Winterbottom. And Hartley was the best man at my dad's wedding to mom. You were an MI6 agent that agreed to go undercover as an arms dealer. And we're bringing you back in."

"Well said Charles."

Alexei blinked again.

Dad walked in, and spoke clearly. "Orion Override command. Computer, begin Intersect patch upload."

I didn't look away – one of the first things that the 2.4 did was disable automated 'install' of any intersect downloads. So I can watch this no fuss.

A minute passed.

"Orion Override Command confirm Winterbottom."

Alexei... not Winterbottom spoke in that same monotone that I had.

"Voice Confirmed."

"Passcode Best Man."

"Passcode confirmed."

"Initiate Intersect self-destruct of Volkoff Identity. Restore Winterbottom Identity. Disable Volkoff Memory recollection beyond level 2. Restore Winterbottom Memory to full recollection. Reboot and patch to BIOS 1.1 Basic and Lock Intersect data."

We're stood there for a few minutes, then he seemed to sag.

"Oh... my head..."

"Are you alright Mr Winterbottom?" Gen. Beckman asked.

"... Nothing that a good scotch can't fix, eh Stevie?"

I had to ask. "Stevie?"

"... Oh shut up Chuck."

"Chuck? Where's the little rascal, he can't be talking already?"

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy.

-CSI-

Author note. I couldn't end it on a bad note, could I? I had to keep going and here ya go. And to think, what would that plan have been if Stevie was alive? If Chuck hadn't had his intersect corrupted by that thing? Or worse, if it had done to Chuck, as a corrupted intersect had to Hartley?


	4. iKnow: Kung Fu

A Typical Action Scene, from the Intersect's point of view.

-CSI-

Situation Monitor: Alert. Threats detected...|

Personality: Requesting Kung Fu...|

iFlash: Loading Kung Fu...|

iKnow: Kung Fu...|

Sarcasm Module: Alert. Pop culture reference stored for later use...|

Situation Monitor: Threats down. Reassessment - Situation normal...|

iKnow: disengaging Kung Fu...|

Sarcasm Module: Pop culture reference in use...|

Chuck looked at his team, and with a grin, said simply, "I know kung fu."

-CSI-


End file.
